Open Enrollment

Dear cis people,

I’m here to talk to you today about exciting opportunities to change your life for the better!

An Incomplete and Unorganized List of Things I’ve Learned Related To Being Gendered

– Your identity is one thing. Your presentation is something else. How you are generally read is something else again.

– How other people see and treat you is a large portion of what privilege is. If a person is not read as a man and/or is also not assumed to be a cis man, they’re not gonna get male privilege right then. They almost certainly won’t be treated the same as someone who is read a feminine woman, but that is not the same thing as male privilege.

– You can do all of the things you’re willing to do and still not be read as you want to be read. It sucks, and I’m sorry. :(

– Gendering is something people do and it takes less than half a second.

– If you trying to present so that you are generally gendered as a woman or a man, I can’t think of any particular thing you HAVE to do or wear. Imagine a person has a list all the things they’re using/doing to convey their gender (and to a lesser extent, their sexuality). A stranger looks at the person, takes the list, and divides up the items into two columns, woman and man. It gets a little complicated here, because some items are weighted more than others. The stranger tallies everything up. Based on the column with the highest score, the stranger decides the person belongs in that category of people and behaves accordingly. (This is the Very Simplified Version)

– I’ve seen a lot of AFAB people stressing out about STP devices. If you want to use one because it helps alleviate dysphoria, :thumbsup:. If you think you need to use one to pass as a man, you really, really don’t, I promise. Same deal with packing.

– Body language and facial expressions are gendered and they’re something I don’t see discussed as much as, say, clothing and hair. Practice making expressions in the mirror. Observe what you do when you sit and stand when waiting or in conversation. Play around with these things, try them out and see how other people respond. (If you’d like more specific advice, you’re welcome to drop me an ask and I’ll do what I can to be helpful. ^_^;;;)

– If you’re non-binary, you can play around with whoooole hypothetical list! Think of it like crafting in an RPG – throw items together in different ways and see what you get. For example, I have a pair of gray skinny jeans from the women’s section. I can wear them with a men’s t-shirt in a darker color and sneakers to present more masculine or with a women’s t-shirt in a brighter color and women’s flats to present more feminine. I can do a more masculine presentation, clothing-wise, be read as a man, but do more feminine body language and expressions. And vise-versa! It can be hard and scary, but I’m finally finding ways to feel more comfortable by trying out different ‘combinations.’

– I could have never correctly predicted the things that are noticed as being “off.” Swear to god people always notice if I’m wearing women’s shoes when I’m otherwise easily gendered as a man.