Being trans has nothing to do with sex, except when it does
It has nothing to do with how you look, except when it does
You don’t have to prove anything to anybody, except when you do
Talking about gender like it has nothing to do with sex represents an utter failure in critical thinking. Cis people’s genders can and often do have everything to do with sex, it’s how the whole damn thing came about. The shit “accepted” theories of Blanchard and others like him have forced us to repeat this contradiction in order to protect ourselves. We’re forced to deny that presenting however feels best to us does not affect how we experience sex and sexuality.*
It’s okay to care about how you look. It’s okay that you haven’t somehow magically figured out how to completely ignore how appearance affects your day-to-day life, deeply ingrained societal expectations, and the consequences of doing so.
Fuck anyone who insists you prove you have ‘queer cred’ or are ‘really trans’. There’s no written exam, no blood test, no interview. There aren’t any medical exams, psychological profiles, or criteria for diagnosis that don’t have so many living, breathing exceptions as to be useless. You don’t have to do HRT, have surgery, change your name, change your gender marker, go to the “other” gender and stay there forever, have or don’t have certain kinds of sex, date certain kinds of people, disavow your history, be a young, thin white person. You don’t have to be (or have been) a butch lesbian or a drag queen, to have majored in Women’s Studies, to have gone to college, to have anything else in common with other trans people. You don’t have to be stealth, to be openly trans, to teach every person you meet, to have “always known,” to be as certain as the sunrise. YOU DO NOT HAVE DO ANYTHING TO PROVE YOURSELF AND YOU DON’T OWE SHIT TO THE PEOPLE WHO DEMAND YOU DO.
*If one experiences such feelings. Gender has obviously evolved away from being strictly about sex. Being raised in this culture means asexual people have had gender hammered into their personal identities as early as possible, too. Gotta make sure you grow up to be a proper straight woman or man, after all.